Sunday, December 14, 2014

A celebration but wanting more

well the big day is tomorrow, we'll big for me! It's my 35th birthday yes, that's correct 35, for what will be the 5th year! Now a lot of people look at me with a dumb look no your not 35 your 40 ugh NOPE I'm 35. It was 5 years ago when I was pregnant with Lauren and my OBGYN told me that on my birthday I would be considered extended maternal fetal age, "What does that mean" it meant that turning 35 while pregnant puts me in a whole different category while pregnant. I looked as it as oh god now I'm comsidered old, so that's where the no I'm 35 comes in, it was a huge joke with me and my dad, he thought it was funny and it was part of a running joke with him and I. So yeah I'm not 40 I'm 35!
Well on Friday my husband planned a surprise for me ok (shhh) he's not very good at planning surprises I figured it out but it's all good the thought is what counted! I was blessed in so many ways to see all my closest friends, it made me feel loved something you don't always see or feel, you know its there but sometimes you don't see it or feel it! I felt it and it felt good. Wow how did I get so lucky to have these people in my life. They all know me so well knowing my favorite things and yet still knowing my struggle well I dont think everyone sees the struggle I face some days of not having my dad. I totally felt his absence, I totally missed his laughter, I totally missed him, Mariel made a slide show at my party to show a lot of my life high lights, my childhood, my marriage, the birth of my children, my achievements, it was a great trip down memory lane but yet I could not help but not hold back tears seeing my dad, my brother and my gram, oh how they have played such important roles in my life, my brother having lost him at such a young age I learned to appreciate life and take it all in at just 15 years old, my gram taught me how much family means she taught me that their is no greater gift than family and friends, my dad well he has taught me love, humor, being a parent and to stand my ground and not be afraid to speak up. I'm going into celebrating events without him, achievements still yet to be discovered and yet it still leaves me at the end of the day wanting more!

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