Monday, November 23, 2015

Footprints in the Sand.

Its amazing how something you see or hear can trigger an emotion and thought of you dad. Tonight I watched a tv show where she danced in memory of her dad. It was flawless and beautiful. I cried, sobbed knowing how I could relate to her emotions.
I pulled up the poem Footprints in the sand. How the Lord walked beside at times and carried her the other. Maybe this relates to us dad a father and a daughter, maybe you walk beside me during certain times in my life but other times when I feel beat up, emotionally out of control, angry or frustrated you carry me.
Either way sometimes I wish you were here walking beside me with your feet next to mine not just leaving footprints. Its amazing how things change emotions grow and yet when I reach for an outlet someone has failed me and the footprints are not there. If in fact your carrying me thank you.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Love and Hate

It's fast approaching, the Holidays. Thanksgiving is is just over a week away, oh dad how our freezer would be filled with the deal you got on Turkey's. How you would be checking to see what else we needed and to make sure I had cranberry relish fixings ready.
Walking through the grocery store I found myself smiling to myself at all the things we would have to have and or stuff that you taught me to make. I love the Holidays but oh how I miss not having these memories to make anymore with you. I guess I just have to keep recreating them.

Monday, November 2, 2015

A diffrent kinda scare Halloween

I love Halloween always have. I remember my dad taking us all around Buxton, leaving no home unvisited. He enjoyed it as much as us kids did. It was always a great adventure. Well I have finally gotten Amber into visiting Halloween haunted houses and we visited one in NH. It was fun with her boyfriend tagging along. We went into the different haunts and it was sucessfull with screams from me along with Amber and Mitchell.
Well we went through the haunted cementary. There was this building we walked into. I was not scared of the haunters it was the fear of this stuffed dummy type person laying in a make shift coffin, with poor fake blood and a few other decorations to make it look creepy, well when I looked at it I saw something very different. This was a thing a fake person with my dads shirt on, no kidding the exact type shirt my dad would wear, and boots just like my dad would wear. I stood there looking over my shoulder knowing it was not real but yet something inside me brought me to the funeral home standing beside him.
It was a strange feeling the world was silent for all I could do was keep looking back. A piece of me just wanted to grab it and hold it or grab it and run or just grab it and cry. It was weird. I was seeing my dad or was I wanting it to be him.
Later that night waiting to go into other haunts I asked Amber if she noticed it she of course did but really did not put it together but Mitchell told me he saw me looking back he said he knew I was thinking something much different.
I did I missed my dad at that moment I missed him all over I missed the trick or treating I missed him scaring us I missed him I just missed him.