Christmas= Not the same

Your birthday has come and gone, I found myself in that dark place, kinda like a hole that engulfs me not letting me out, but it's not like I could climb out but I don't think I wanted too. 

Your birthday's kept flooding my every thought, I remembered always having the girls sing to you, buying your gift cert to your favorite breakfast place, then there is that thought your 70th Birthday Surprise Birthday Party. The one we never had, I hate the emotions it creates in my mind, the did you think we would not have one, the did you think we did not care, the did they forget, it makes me so emotional, and angry I tell you in my thoughts that it was there it was planned the guest list was being finished but no god choose to take you too god dam early, why the hell would he do that, ugh it makes me angry. So Dad Happy Birthday in heaven I can only hope you were surrounded with balloons, cake friends and family yes that's what I hope and pray for. I miss you 

It's Been Awhile

It's true it's been awhile as I was reminded of that tonight by a special someone, whom misses my thoughts about my dad, its true what they say that you can heal and keep someone alive (even if its just in our hearts) just by writing about them....


Well I have not forgotten about you dad the pain is still as real as that dreaded day in January 2014, my heart still aches my tears still flow and my anger is still there, I still feel lost and sometimes just separated from life and sometimes just everyday living.


Now that the holidays are fast approaching I will be reminded of the void that you have left in our lives, My Birthday and how me being 35 for the past ugh what almost 6 years was always our joke cause you know your little girl would never grow up and or would refuse too.
Well and we cant forget your birthday on the 24th wow could you tell stories about how having a Christmas eve birthday sucked and how sharing it with parities and Christmas gifts and such was unfair I could relate in some way but clearly not as much as you could, how the girls will miss calling you to sing Happy Birthday to the top of their lungs but better yet we will do it and yell it to the heavens.


I hope that the tears will be a little lighter this year even though I cant promise anything I miss you more and more everyday not any less.....


Thank you Mariel for reminding me of how much this helps me and well others like yourself for our Ted will forever be a part of our lives.