Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Christmas is done.....

The Christmas season is once again gone almost as quickly as it came. It's not the same, no special gift, noo joy to see on your face as you watch the family open gifts, no endless laughter over well our sense of humor, no nothing.
New memories to make and or new traditions but yet we don't change that getting togetger at the house but yet it's different very different. After we left the house I got things settled and let my mind and thoughts flow into this piece of writing.

My daughter's are nestled snug in their beds, I'm sure dreaming of another Christmas past in their heads. Their wishes were made with a simple gift or two but in my heart I know they were missing you too. They talked about you remembering this and that saying "remember when grampa always had to have that". As the Holiday passes I always hold dear the memories we have in hopes it holds you near. As long as you know our hearts still ache, without you having those new memories to make. I can only hope that as you watched from above you could still feel us surrounding you with our love.
Written by me with love, forever in my heart to my Dad.

All from these photos it came to me

Christmas= Not the same

Your birthday has come and gone, I found myself in that dark place, kinda like a hole that engulfs me not letting me out, but it's not like I could climb out but I don't think I wanted too. 
Your birthday's kept flooding my every thought, I remembered always having the girls sing to you, buying your gift cert to your favorite breakfast place, then there is that thought your 70th Birthday Surprise Birthday Party. The one we never had, I hate the emotions it creates in my mind, the did you think we would not have one, the did you think we did not care, the did they forget, it makes me so emotional, and angry I tell you in my thoughts that it was there it was planned the guest list was being finished but no god choose to take you too god dam early, why the hell would he do that, ugh it makes me angry. So Dad Happy Birthday in heaven I can only hope you were surrounded with balloons, cake friends and family yes that's what I hope and pray for. I miss you 

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

It's Been Awhile

It's true it's been awhile as I was reminded of that tonight by a special someone, whom misses my thoughts about my dad, its true what they say that you can heal and keep someone alive (even if its just in our hearts) just by writing about them....

Well I have not forgotten about you dad the pain is still as real as that dreaded day in January 2014, my heart still aches my tears still flow and my anger is still there, I still feel lost and sometimes just separated from life and sometimes just everyday living.

Now that the holidays are fast approaching I will be reminded of the void that you have left in our lives, My Birthday and how me being 35 for the past ugh what almost 6 years was always our joke cause you know your little girl would never grow up and or would refuse too.
Well and we cant forget your birthday on the 24th wow could you tell stories about how having a Christmas eve birthday sucked and how sharing it with parities and Christmas gifts and such was unfair I could relate in some way but clearly not as much as you could, how the girls will miss calling you to sing Happy Birthday to the top of their lungs but better yet we will do it and yell it to the heavens.

I hope that the tears will be a little lighter this year even though I cant promise anything I miss you more and more everyday not any less.....

Thank you Mariel for reminding me of how much this helps me and well others like yourself for our Ted will forever be a part of our lives.