needing him the most

Grief is a funny thing, the stages of grief yeah those are bullshit, cause I can tell you I have been all over the place with my struggle of losing my dad. It's amazing to see the amount of worry and fear that I now have put on myself. Why? No idea. I'm so missing him so much. I mean I miss him everyday but sometimes it's just so much. I feel like I need him the most now that he's gone. I want him to listen to me, hear my stories, agree with my complaints, I just need him. Ya know sure I can talk to him in my thoughts and heck even out loud but it's not even close to being the same. I find myself in a hole I can't crawl out of, needing him to just be here. But I can't have him here and it sucks. I know I will continue to have the days where I need him like today but I can't so I cry and that's all I can do.