On the surface

I was just thinking today it's only been a year, you have been gone only a year. Why does it feel longer some days. I found myself today as I cleaned around my house the thought of we should do this or that and remembering in the back of my mind last time dad was here or wow that was just last year. I don't know why somedays it feels like yesterday and I relive the nightmare over and over again. I get into a funk or a depression, some may say,  where I just can't think nothing but scary things. I need to stop. I'm hoping the now warmer spring days will entice me and relax me. I'm missing him so much I don't want the things we did together to have a timeline of when you left us I want my memories to not bring anxiety and depression but happiness and love.