if only. . . .it was that easy

While standing in my parents kitchen tonight talking and listening to the girls share stories of their day, I had a feeling well more of a thought a thought of how I wish we were just standing there and just hoping my dad would walk through the door, or I peer in the living room to see him sitting in his chair. My mind started to race and weird thoughts overcome me what if he was at a meeting, what if he had just gone outside he for sure would be right back in joining in on the girls stories and laughter. It was a weird thought process. I wanted to cry out and say how can this be real how can he just not be here. Man it hurt me I miss him so much. This is our life the life without him in it the life without "Dad", "Grampa", "Husband" it's just strange how it's been 1 year and 3mo and a piece of me wants to not believe it.