Sunday, January 4, 2015

The day my heart broke 1 year ago

It's hard to believe that 1 year ago today the phone call that would for sure change my life and break my heart happened! It's about that time too! I'm trying to close my eyes and go to sleep but your on my mind, not that it is anything new now. I don't want to relive that day but I can't help it. It's still so real and it's like a nightmare I can't get away from the dreaded words, from my mom on the other end of the phone "dad died" I'm not going to get into detail, I'm not going to relive it here on my blog I relive it all to often in my head. I still ask the Why's and the How's and still no answers! I must move on doing what I do, being a wife, mother, taxi driver and cook. I must still be that daughter to not my parents but to a parent. It has not gotten easier I guess I just learn to deal, do I struggle some days oh yes I do, I find myself sitting and just thinking of you and before I know it hours have gone by I guess that's what they call depression. I have for sure had my year of ups and downs the I wish my dad was here moments or this would had never happened moments or the I just need my daddy moments. It's amazing how much you need someone when they are no longer there! I try my best to keep you alive in my home. We talk about you, tell stories about you, laugh and cry about you. I'm sure your watching over us and I hope that your grandaughters that made you laugh your biggest belly laugh still do that and cry those big tears cause well your heart had a soft spot for them. I want your memory and spirt kept alive within us all, your legacy and the person you are will for sure be a part of each of us! It's amazing dad that your still talked about so much even 1 year later by people I just meet that knew you or well that dance family that you were such a huge part of or ya know those people who are friends but you always welcomed as family. It's amazing the impact you made in 70 years. I'm proud to call you my daddy, I'm proud to have your smile (ya know I get that comment a lot) I'm proud to have your humor and I'm proud that I'm often compared to you. I loved you then and I love you more now! You will always be the first man I ever loved and I will be Forever Daddy's Little Girl!

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