Monday, January 4, 2016

Two years and the nightmare returned

Two years ago today, there was this nightmare that I lost my dad, since then I've realized it was indeed a nightmare just one I could not wake up from.
The pain of losing my dad is still very real, it hurts as much as that day that I relive so many times in my mind. I've realized that grief which is defined as: a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions.
Grief is an ugly thing, its like a rollercoaster that you can't get off, you can have great days, weeks, and months then when it comes back, you fall into this hole that starts you back at square one. Sometimes grief can tear you down, it can keep you from the person you use to be, it can cause more harm than good and in times feels like its totally out of your control.
I need to try and get myself away from it, it causes deep depression, fears that I had never thought about become anxiety. Sometimes my life is crumbling around me and I'm the only one who can pull myself from the mess.
People heal in different ways, and just when I feel like I'm beginning to heal something triggers me and I'm back battling the beast. I need to focus on good and hopefully that will weight out the evil of grief. One step at a time.

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