Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Sometimes its too much to bear. . . .

Sometimes its too much to bear. Sometimes I find myself caught in the thought of wanting my dad, sometimes I relive a moment that I wish I could go back too. Sometimes I wish January 4th never existed. Sometimes there is a time where I just cant get out of my own way of dealing with grief. Sometimes I have too many days like this.
Today seems to be that kind of day, the day where you log into facebook and all that seems to appear are the tearful videos about life and the unexpected, sometimes there are those wedding videos that you know just what is going to happen but you watch it anyway and end up in a puddle of tears. As I watched this video of a bride who had lost her dad just months before her wedding take the father daughter dance with brothers and her new father in law. The pain in her tears I could see and feel, the thought of not having that moment with her dad I cant relate to that as I got to enjoy the tearful father daughter dance with my dad, but yet it was amazing to watch this with full blown tears but yet relive my dance wanting to just hold him and hug him one last time. I remember crying with him as he lead me across the dance floor, I remember him telling me he loved me, I remember looking around and thinking it was just him and I. I wish I could just one time dance this dance with him again, I have the photos and the memories but sometimes its too much to bear. . .

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