Friday, February 6, 2015

The Fear

This has been on my mind a lot, well I think since the day my dad died. The fear of death. It's been on my mind a lot. I don't know why! Maybe it's a stage of grief? Maybe it's seeing it hit so close to many family and friends? Or maybe cause it scares the hell of me! I really don't know.
I don't want to think about it. I want to live till I'm 100. I want to not miss a thing ever. I don't know why the fear is just so there with me and why it weighs on me so.
I want to look back on my dad's life and think wow he lived a lot but wait no, he's missing a lot. What about those who's lives are cut so dam short like my brothers he did not get a chance to live his life, we are left asking the what if's. I need to get out of this fear, I need to hug my girls, kiss my husband and treasure my family and my friends. I need to stop focusing on the what if's and just live in the moment yeah, that's it live in the moment. Wait I wish it was that easy cause its not. Maybe there is a step by step program to get me there, maybe it's just all in my head! I really don't know. There is so much pain and hurt in the world nothing ever good on the news just more killing and terrorism. I hate that I hate having to think people live in fear some even in their own homes.
I guess I needed to get this out. I need to learn to breathe and worry less and think less. Yes that's it. Smile and Laugh more yes maybe that will help rear this ugly side I fear. Yes I will start there.

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