I'm struggling with the new norm, cause its not normal to me, its far from it, VERY VERY VERY far from it. The holiday's are soon approaching, followed by my dads birthday. I'm dreading these days. This weekend we celebrated by niece's first birthday. It was happy times and it was wonderful to see family together but yet I could not help but see a huge hole in it. I missed my dad and his sarcastic input or the tears that I'm sure would had fallen from his eyes as he watched his 3rd granddaughter devour her cake. I missed his criticism on the cake i made that he would had made even though he meant nothing by it just was being funny, I missed his overall presence. It sucks I ain't gonna lie it sucks more than anyone could imagine. The pain I feel is still so deep and the tears are still as fresh as the day he left us. I love the holidays and I keep telling myself that I need to just continue with my love of the holidays and honor his through them, I ain't gonna hide my feelings and my true grief for I know these upcoming months maybe the hardest.