A Medium

So today I got the opportunity to have a medium tell me who's around me. Thank you dad for being there. I can say I'm so relived. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I felt your direction and guidance. Putting me first. Wow and I'm on the lookout for those humming bird earrings you told me that's where I would find my comfort and that rolling stones song. Dead Flowers. I need to try and decider that as well I need to hear more I need that.

There's always a reminder

Well, I started a new adventure, a merchandiser for Hallmark. Yes cards oh how I could write the perfect one I would think as I looked through them. I remember over the years Birthdays, grandparents day, father's day cards always spending time looking for the perfect one. Sometimes a funny one but usually one from the heart and most always a Father from Daughter.
Well I was restocking the father's day section and I began to cry. I wont be able to give you the perfect card again for fathers day. It's sad knowing that even where I work there is a reminder of the one more thing I can't do. It sucks so much, I would give anything to give you your fathers day card, and watch you tear up, yep that's how I always knew I had found the perfect one.

Just what I may need. A letter to my Dad

Hey Dad,
Today I dreamed up one crazy ass idea. Wanna hear it? Of course you do, I know your thinking what is my crazy daughter up to now. Ok today I considered and well am pretty confident that I will sign up to run a marathon. Yes you heard that right a marathon 26.2 miles. YES I'm crazy. But ya know something's have recently had me thinking, pissing me off, questioning people in my life and ya know I thought back to the year you died, the year I ran my 1st half marathon just 2 months after you passed away. The way I felt was so different.
I felt calm, emotional, energized, emotional, inspired, emotional, like a champion, emotional, complete, emotional, invigorated, emotional, proud, emotional. I felt it all, I could think, I could cry, I could feel muscles aching, I could laugh, I could cry but above all I never felt STRESSED. It was amazing how my worries just went away with every pounding foot on the pavement. I realized today that running just maybe my outlet.
I know whatever I deceide to do you will be rooting me on, supporting me and pushing me. So dad please guide me and give me the courage to not give up, to try harder meet the goals, train strong and hard. Thank you
Love Always and Forever
Your Little Girl.

A piece of me. .

We were blessed to have had the opportunity to visit the beautiful Island of Kauai HI again. It was just 2 months after your death that we took our first trip. You were so excited for us, and ya know dad I never got the chance to tell You about it. But I know you were there in sport. This time dad was just as wonderful. I found myself thinking about you as we explored the beauty of this island, I like to call it my heaven. There is something about it, it's peaceful beauty, everywhere you look, the high surf from an angry ocean that can calm you, a simple palm tree swaying in the breeze. A luau with dancers perfecting the heart of Hawaii with their moves. I never thought I could love some place as much as I do love Kauai. I just wanted to share my piece of heaven with you.

Sometimes something says it all. . . .

I recently was looking in FB and this popped up in a FB group I belong to daughters grieving the loss of a parent. This article is perfect and I can relate it to in so many ways. I wants to save it here so that on says when I need to remind myself that it's ok it's here.
Plus maybe someone else will stumble across this and read it.

http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/03/11/acknowledging-our-grief-anniversaries/

Your favorite thing

Hi Dad, Its crazy to believe that it's another year that you won't be there to watch your grand daughters dance in competition. I mean wait you will be there with possibly the best seat in the house high up in heaven but right next to us would be so much better. Its amazing how far they have come, and ya know I always tell them to dance for Grampa he is watching. Oh how you were so dedicated, up early to arrive to ensure the best seats, and always rooting for everyone in the team, but always shedding those years for your favorite dancers. You were their biggest support and would travel hundreds of miles to watch them dance, making sure they knew you were there. Oh how much so miss you during the dance season. Who else could I sit with and pick dances a part, who else would cook in the back of the truck to make sure the team was fed. Who else would turn around and Do it all again the next day.
You yes YOU.............
I hope your chair is teafy, your good luck is ready to be sprinkled on them and your ready to cry those proud grampa years. Miss you so much dad. I love you

Hi Dad its me

Hi Dad its me. . . . do you head me when I talk to you, when I ask you for advice or direction or maybe just that simple favor or unspoken request. Its amazing how maybe that simple conversation with you can make me feel better.
Its amazing how it clears my mind.
Maybe cause the dreaded month of Janauary is over. Maybe it's cause the sunshine is melting the snow, maybe it's because I'm looking at setting some new goals. Yeah what's we it is, I hope it's your direction leading me or at least in some ways, maybe it's just my conversations I have with you outload or quietly whatever it may be thank you for listening Dad. I love you